As I stand and stare at myself in the mirror I totally hate what I see. I’ve had two babies, and I’ve neglected myself. My face is chubby, my tummy is wobbly, I have fat on my hips. My ass has expanded… and my boobs! The less said about them the better!! Haha.
I have always been a little bit fat, and probably always will be! (In the words of Bridget jones) but I remember when I loved what I saw in the mirror, and funny enough it was mostly a couple of years after I had my first baby.
Before I had my first baby, I was cabin crew. When I first started out I was probably the slimmest I’d ever been. I remember working out really hard before my training, as I didn’t want to be a fat air hostess! Ha. When I was living down in Essex completing my training I walked everywhere. So I lost more weight.
When I became cabin crew though, my party lifestyle kind of took over. When I wasn’t working, I was out drinking. Eating shitty food, and not really caring about what I put into my body. I then fell pregnant with my son and put on a crazy 5 stone! I was depressed, and comfort ate during my pregnancy, and that continued after. I went from a size 12 up to a size 20! I didn’t really care though, I didn’t really care about myself at that point.
The wake up call when I was mistook as a pregnant woman twice in one week and I knew I had to do something about it. So I chucked out all the junk food, I joined a gym and I started taking slimming pills! Slimming pills aren’t for everyone, and I know the dangers surrounding some, but I did my research and they worked for me. Over a couple of years I lost 4 stone. I felt great, I loved the way I looked and I was confident.
I met my fiancé and over the next couple of years 2 stone crept back on. I didn’t really mind though, I was still a size 14 and I was happy. Nights out, meals out, takeaways. Cosy nights in with munchies. Typical of a new relationship, and I didn’t really notice too much. When I fell pregnant with my daughter in December, I knew I wanted to be conscious of what I ate and I didn’t want to put on too much weight. I only put on 2 stone this time, and lost almost it all within a couple of weeks of having her. I haven’t stepped on the scales in a while though, but I feel like I’ve put some more of that back on again.
I make sure my kids are fed well, and drinking plenty of water, I make sure my almost 6 year old exercises often and looks after his body. I mean you only get one body, it’s important you look after it. Yet here I am, staring at the neglect! Staring at the pizza, the crisps, the chocolate, the lack of fruit and vege! Too much fizzy juice and not enough water. Why did I do it to myself. I have no will power. I struggle to say no to the junk food. When I’m tired I reach for the sugar, which in turn makes me feel more tired when it wears off, so I reach for more!
I’ve said to myself so many times over the last few weeks, it’s time to write a food and exercise plan, but I’ve yet to do it. I ordered slimming pills again to give me a boost, and my plan is to sit down and write down a proper meal plan tomorrow! (I will do it this time, I will do it this time, I will do it this time!) I have to do it this time!
People say to me but you’ve only just had a baby give yourself time, and I did promise myself I wouldn’t put pressure on myself to loose weight this time. But I feel shit! I don’t feel attractive, I hate the way my body looks, and I feel sluggish. So I have to do something about it. I have to make the small steps to start feeling good about myself again. Also I’m getting married in 2019, and I DO NOT want to be a fat bride, I just wouldn’t feel good about myself on the day.
So here is my promise to myself, I’ve publicly announced that I am holding myself accountable for my weight loss. That I’m going to sort that meal plan tomorrow and I’m going to start exercising again. Walking every day, and working out in the house!
I’d love to hear how other mums felt about their body after having their babies, and what you did to change. I’d love new recipe ideas, and post partum workout ideas. I will write another post in a months time to update you all on how it’s going, and if I managed to stick to it! Wish me luck… I think I need it 😳